last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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