What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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