I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
