....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
