i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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