That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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