goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
