Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
