oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
