if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
