ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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