he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
