It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
