Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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