JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
