somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
