Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
