Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize