just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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