you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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