I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize