Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
