I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
