get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
