I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
