If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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