Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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