I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize