You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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