im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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