apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
