i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
