When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
