Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
