I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize