I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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