Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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