it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Randomize
