Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize