the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
