i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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