my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize