went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
