Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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