Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize