I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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