apparently the secret to your success is patron
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
