I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
