Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
