Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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