Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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