yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
