sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
