I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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