Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
