She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
