I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize