I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
