haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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