My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
