she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
