well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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