I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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