I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize