Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
