I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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