youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
