Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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